The Things You See When No One Should Be Awake

Depending on your lifestyle, it’s happened to you. You have been up all night, and you stumble out into the dark/early dawn of 4am. And you feel like you just stepped onto Mars. A world that feels slightly familiar but totally foreign unfolds in front of you.

Mostly likely you did this cause you were partying and shit. So maybe you were under the effects of certain enhancements that prevented you from appreciating the weirdness. Or you could be like me…

You see, I have probably been up at those hours more than most reading this. And, unlike all of you cool kids in the congregation, it wasn’t cause I party all the time. It’s cause my employment at that time required delirium hours. Working till the crack ass of dawn. 15 hour days were light in that era. I have done weeks where I only got 20 hours of sleep….all week.

So, I have been privileged to see the things that spill out at that hour. Here are two of those.


At this point in my career, I had a whole team under my command. And my team was exhausted. Nothing left. And in times like that…when they have to continue on….you do the only thing you can do. Pump them up with snacks and shit until the work gets done.

So, it is 4:30am. I am headed to the local convenience store. Now, this business was in…not the best part of town….but no more special than any other “not the best parts of town.”

I pull into a parking spot, and I see….a guy standing at the end of the parking lot. In a full orange…like velvet suit. With a wooden cane and white shoes that could be snakeskin or alligator. Didn’t get close enough to see. He was also yelling at a woman across the street. I would describe this woman as….unfortunately dressed….lets leave it at that.

I think you know where this is going.

He was yelling something, but I didn’t hear it till I get out of the car. I step one foot out, and I hear.

“Nahhhhh bitch. I’m not coming over there. You coming over here…and you gunna bring me my monnnnneeeeeyyyyyyyyy”

She tried to respond but he just kept saying the same thing “You comin over here with mah monnnneeeeeyyyyy”

I go inside. Buy a case of water and snacks and shit. I come back outside and put it in my car. He’s still going.

“I’m not coming over there…you comin over here. And you bringing me my monnnnnneeeeyyyyyyy”

I pulled away from the grocery store and his screaming was still going….some say that pimp is still there to this day. Asking for his money.


I was in an elevator with a coworker. Headed back to our respective hotel rooms to get an hour or two of sleep before we had to head back in for more work. It was one of those hotels where the first three floors are like restaurants and bars. And its solid glass. So you can see everything coming.

We get on at the first floor. Saying nothing to each other. Cause pure exhaustion.

On the third floor, we see this couple stumbling up. They had clearly been having fun. They hit a button before our respective floors.

The guy then shouts as the doors are closing. “Girl you don’t even know what its going to be like with me. I’m gunna make your nipples SO COLD. BRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR”

He finishes saying “BRRRRRRR” right as the doors open and they stumble their way out. The second the doors close. My coworker and I just bust out laughing. Tears running down our faces.


Leaving a building with my whole team once. We finished the project at 5am. But we were done. Not coming back. We spill out to grab some starbucks and head on our way back home.

We are walking down the street.

Some hobo is sitting in the corner. Mumbles something. To be honest….we didn’t pay the guy any mind. You know could be for the classic invisible people syndrome or cause we had been working for 20 hours straight.

BUT we definitely paid attention when he jumped up at one of the girls on our team “BITCH PAY ATTENTION TO ME”

A few things happened all at once.

First, in a surprising feat of athleticism, she launched herself backwards about 10 or 15 feet into the middle of the street. It’s 5am so no one is around yet. Second, our group staggers together in what I can only describe as a combat pose. I suppose we were going to swing our laptop bags at this person. But third, and luckily, a random cop happened to be walking back…presumably from the starbucks. And was quick to grab the guy on the shoulder and walk him in the opposite direction. In a rare instance of diffusing the situation.

As we hurriedly continued on we could here him say “But the bitch didn’t pay attention to me…”


It has been a long time since I have been awake at those hours, but I know the weirdness still goes on without me. So you know. Let them have that time. Stay clear unless you want to get absorbed into that world.

© Church of the Holy Flava 2016 - 2021