A NEW MOON for moving on

In this great season for torment, I have been thinking alot about how people cope and move on from a bad memory or a stressful situation. 

And I am reminded of this wondrous event from many years ago. 


My wife had just moved to the Bay Area. We went west looking for something different than we had both experienced in our lives to that point. 

We eventually did get that and more, but that is a story for another day. 

This takes place shortly after we relocated. I took an easy transfer with my job, so for me, my life was just a matter of adjusting to the surroundings. Learning why Silicon Valley was hyped. For her….her job had a question mark. I wont elaborate why, but we were waiting for the question to resolve itself. 

Sufficed to say, my wife was filled with anxiety. Not sleeping nights. Travis Bickle. Fight Club. What have you. 

Being in a strange land didn’t help with the anxiety. We did spend a time bombing around from place to place, but it took us a long time to form friendships. So it was just us two, alone in this vast new place. 

We tended to gravitate toward bookstores, so that’s where we ended up. Among the books my wife picked up, she bought Twilight, which was still on the ascendant.  We got home, and she tore through the book. Its short, uses small words, and she’s a super genius. 

A few hours later, she sent me to the store to get the rest of series. 

Truthfully, I didn’t think much of it. You know, the usual refrain

The next day, my wife asked me something that set in motion alot of stupid weekends for me. She asked to go see the movie. It had been in theaters for a long time, and was on the like dollar theatre run. This was the summer (for those playing the home game).

I said, “Sure.” What did I care? Something to do you know. 

The movie is……not good. But that wasn’t the important part. She fucking loved it. 

Then, for the next four weekends. Both saturday and sunday (save for one of the sundays). Until the dollar theatre stopped showing it. We saw Twilight. 

As a result, Twilight has the very unfortunate distinction of being the film I have seen the most in the theatre at 8 times. I did sleep through 2 and half of them. The ending credits song is mixed so goddamn loud that its impossible to sleep through it. 

A mind numbing experience to say the least. You kind of lose your mind. It was the middle of the summer in california, but it may as well been the fall in the pacific northwest. Felt darker. 

Once the theatre stopped running it, she did get the blu ray and that was on a ton in my house. I can’t recall that because I was playing video games alot. 


She finally got the job solidified that fall. Right around thanksgiving. So alot of the anxiety faded away. 

Plus, she was super stoked about the second film in the franchise coming out soon. I was filled with dread….hoping it wasn’t a repeat incident.  

We bought tickets for the earliest showing we could make with our jobs. That turned out to be an 8pm the Friday of opening weekend at the Shoreline 16. 

A few things about that theatre: 

  • Its right in front of the legendary Shoreline Amphitheatre
  • Its really shitty. Like thing a 90s era movie theatre. No grand experience. People crammed on top of each other. 
  • Its THE teeny-bopper theatre in that part of Silicon Valley. All the tech people’s kids show up there. 
  • Its right at the entrance of the googleplex and linkedin’s campus. 

So we get there, and its in their biggest screen which is a fuckin barn of a theatre. Must have 200 people in there. 

We take our seats early. Everyone else fills in around us. Its all teenagers, myself, my wife, and her friends.

The row behind us was filled by one group. Must have been 10 guys and 10 girls. One of those high school group date things. All the girls sat together on one side, all the guys sat together on the other. 

The guys sat behind us, and the hero of the story sat right behind me. The hero of our story was in his late teens, he was mexican-american by heritage, and he weighed about 300 pounds or so (this will be important later on). 

So the movie starts. And the movie starts with a still image of a harvest moon. 

Every girl who is not my wife or her friends scream their fucking lungs out. “OH MY GOD! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!”

This repeated every time a main character showed up. Like the first time you see Forks High School. Whole thing. You can barely hear a fuckin thing any character is saying. Then….this one scene happens. 

So, for those not brave enough to click the link, Bella is on this motorcycle right. At this point in the film, Edward (the sparkly vampire) dips for some chaste ass mormon reason. Bella keeps seeing visions of Edward. So she loses control of the motorcycle and busts her fucking head. Jacob (the werewolf) does the logical thing and takes off his shirt, to use his shirt as a bandage for her wound. 

Now, the genius behind me……I don’t know if he saw the film already or if he just has the gift of divination. But as Jacob reaches for his shirt, the fucking legend sitting behind me yells out at full volume. 

“AYYYYYYY PAPIIIIIIIIIIIIII”

The whole theatre blows up. I have tears coming down my face I am laughing so hard. I turn to look at my wife and her arms are folded. She goes, “You know we are going again tomorrow right.”

And I said, “Worth it. 100% worth it”


I tell that story because that was a breaking point. We did see the rest of the movies (including New Moon one more time). But we only saw them once each. 

And the anxiety stopped. Some demons were exorcised that night.

I think its a combination of getting the reward for the patience and this sort of New Moon catharsis. 

It makes me wonder if we will have a similar moment once the plague ends. 

Maybe…..I just hope if we do, it doesn’t involve fucking Twilight….although there is another book freshly released……..god help us all.  

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