A Macho Story

In the very early 2000s, I went to a music festival just to see this one band I liked. They had a set first thing in the morning, so I saw them……then I was stuck with a full day festival ticket.

There was nothing else on the docket that day that I wanted to see, but I wasn’t going to waste a full day ticket. Bombed around to some other shows. Didn’t see anything that blew me away. But, I came with an interesting idea for the end of the day. Closing the festival was 50 Cent. This is when In the Club was the #1 song in the US. And, I decided that seeing him was going to be the experience to round out a day. Never saw a Billboard #1 artist when they were #1, let alone the biggest artist in the US of that year. 

I had this whole plan. I would find my way to the front of the stage (which I did) and watch the show right up against the stage. 

The act before 50 ended, and the crowd thinned out slightly….but that exodus was quickly filled by piles of people who were there just to see 50. 

At this point, I would guess there is about 5,000 people behind me. Then I hear the voice. 

“Come on down to the Slim Jim tent right now to meet Macho Man Randy Savage”

And now I am completely torn. I, like most of the kids of my generation, was obsessed with WWF wrestling. I eventually grew out of it but that era was the era I lived in. And no one, no one, could talk shit like Macho Man

The way of weaving words. The larger than life personality. A fashion sense that was both incomprehensible and luxurious. The whole package. The Macho Man. 

So, I am torn. I could meet a childhood icon, or I could stick to my convictions. 

I was in college. Trying to be a new person. I made it to the stage. You know what, I am going to stay. 

So i stay….about 30 minutes passes. Another 5,000 or so people pile up between me and the Macho Man, and then I hear the voice. 

“OOOO YEAHHHH COME DOWN TO THE SLIM JIM TENT RIGHT NOW AND MEET ME, THE MACHO MAN YEAHHHHHH”

And I have no idea what to do. Somehow, some goddamn fool voice inside of me was like, “You know what. You made it this far. Its like 30 min till show time. Just see what the show is like” 

And I did that….I waited another 30 min, and 50 started on time. 

And proceeded to fucking suck balls

He opened with In the Club, and I don’t know if his monitors were fucked or if he was stoned, but he was completely off beat. And not a little. Like totally fucking off. He also had 0423480248 people on the stage with him with microphones yelling shit. It was an incomprehensible mess. 

When the 2nd song looked to be more of the same, I booked it through 20,000 people or so to make it back to the slim jim tent, but unfortunately, the man was gone….


This, no bullshit, is a top 5 regret of my life. I cannot believe I fucked missed a chance to meet a living legend. The greatest of all sadnesses. 

Macho Man, you have passed on now, but you will forever live in our hearts. Keep being awesome for the rest of us in the great beyond. 

© Church of the Holy Flava 2016 - 2021