100% Real Kaj-UN

Jon and Will were not the highest grade of weed in the dispensary, but they did alright for themseleves. Being from the about as far below I-10 you can go, they took up shrimping. They did good enough to keep themsleves in cheap beer and cheap women. 

And this day started just like any other during the middle of the season. The sun had just come up, and they were about to leave the dock, when they saw an unusual sight. A tall gangly looking fellow in a faded Pepsi shirt and a blue baseball hat with “Ain’t No Place to PEE” embroidered on the top. 

“Mais sha, its gunna be a hot one today. Whatcha say beb?”

Jon and Will were perplexed to say the least. 

“OooooooooOOOOOO EEEEEEE It is hot. Ayeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee”

Jon spoke first, “Yeah, I guess…..what you want man?”

“Ayyyy Yahhh, Well my crab traps aint doin too good dees days, so wanted to get my hand in the shrimping game. I figure a 100% Real Kaj-un like me would take to it easy, sha. Hopin you fellas may help me around da nets, yeahhhpppp”

Will hesitated for a second, “Whats your name, dude?”

“Ohhh you know us boys from down da bayou got alot of the names. Somes call me Slow Roast Pork. Somes call me Marlboro Red, but most call me Kip-a-Dip”

Will said, “Well…Kip…..its just us working. We dont need any…”

The stranger cut him of, “MAIS SHA, I know its tough workin dem lines. I can help. Im strong. I work hard. Just need some cash, beyyy”

Jon stopped, “Hey, we run legit here. You got a drivers license?”

Will looked at Jon confused. Jon winked at him, and Will assumed some sort of scheme was afoot. 

“Ohhhh watcha need dat fer. Everyone down da bayou know me, sha”

Jon said, “You want to run with us, let me see your license”

Reluctantly, the stranger handed over his whole wallet to Jon. “Dig in there if you want, beb. Aint nothin in there imporant. When my mama raised me off the spillway, she always told me be good to dem and dey be good to you.”

Jon blurted out, “WHAT kind of ‘100% Kay-Jun” name is Dimitry Costiovch”

“MAISSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS SHAAAA, das a good strong KAJ-UN name from back in de day out neer Abbeville”

Will got up from the dock to get a look at this foolishness. “Man, shut the fuck up, it says you from Milford, Connecticut. “

“Ohhhh das dat missprint, sha. I live on Milford COURT down da bayou. One of dem new subdivisions day buildin. Dont know where dey get these fancy names for dees things.”

Jon throws his wallet back at the stranger, “Get the fuck off my dock before I kick your goddamn head in.”

The stranger grabbed his wallet and ran away mumbling, “Ooooooooo someone hit the whiskey this mornin hard…..ayyy dat crown will kill you sha!”

Jon and Will watched the stranger run off deep into the bayou……


“Ayyyyyyyy, Welcome to Big Pappa’s Swamp Tours, I am your 100% Real Kaj-Un guide Kip-a-Dip, and we gunna see all deez bayous and canals my momma raised me in. AYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE”

© Church of the Holy Flava 2016 - 2021