A Christmas Story Christmas – A Review

That’s right. I watched it so you don’t have to. Here’s a trailer.

Someone sent me that. I thought it looked like shit. But I have a severe love for In God We Trust, All Others Pay Cash, so I figured fuck it. Lets watch the cash in.

I don’t know what you expected but…

not good

For only slightly different reasons than you would expect…

Lets get the good out of the way. Peter Billingsley can still do this part. To be honest, for being the kind of movie where they bring all the previous cast back that either 1) are still alive and 2) are still acting, they all do a shockingly decent job. All the kids and Zach Ward bring their A game such as it is (one or two have fallen off their chops, but not as bas as you would think). This is easily the only redeeming facet of the movie, and not enough to carry it, and I am happy all these kids get a WB check.

Ok, lets get to the shit. This film like…tries… not to be a fucking cash grab. They try to elevate themselves to the original material level, and….like you can see where they are going. They want to make this the Young Adult (ish) version of Ralphie’s future, but it just….doesn’t work.

For one thing, they have to hit ALL the member berries. You know the thing. Fucking movies out here filled with REMEMBER THIS. This movie does a thing I haven’t seen another movie of its type do where it hits like…2 seconds of the audio or music queue. Like there is a scene where Ralphie is in his old attic, looking for christmas decorations. He passes the bunny slippers outfit from the first movie, and the dialogue “He looks like a deranged easter bunny” goes over the track.

And its fucking nausea inducing. Like every time they do it (and they do it often) it takes me out of whatever shit of a story they do.

They are also DESPERATE to be as good as Jean Shepherd was. They are trying to write this film from that perspective, and they flat out don’t get it. The biggest recurring joke in the movie is “Oh, the kids are all bar rats now. Oh no! A call is coming in, hope its not a wife looking for someone….”

Like, they WANT to hit that nerve but just fall flat. There is a Ralphie fantasy sequence within the first FIVE minutes of this movie.

The direction is just ripping off Bob Clark. Same with the set design. The music is now just the original film’s score + pop Christmas tracks. Not in a stand out way. In a very boring way.

Like…there is a universe where this could have been MUCH worse. Instead its like, slightly not as bad as Christmas with the Kranks.

Unlike other nerds on the internet, this existing doesn’t ruin Bob Clark’s original film for me. Hell they already had TWO other sequels of A Christmas Story that you wont remember. Might as well add it to the pile.

1/4 – At least all the kids got paid. That’s the important part. Skip it. It’s shameful.

© Church of the Holy Flava 2016 - 2021