No Exit (Storytime)

“What do you mean the neighbor is throwing a party?”

End of the school year for the elementary kids, so the neighbor decided to throw a party for them. The only problem is that I was picking my son up from school and driving straight to the bayou. Getting there late at night as it was.

‘Look, just go spend 30 min over there, have him eat some ice cream, and then hit the road’


Well, they didn’t start for 30 min after I got him home. So we sat around for that. And then we went over…

It turned out to be about 15-20 kids, all of their moms. And me. And they were in no rush.

My son ran off to go play, and I was stuck there. With these moms who knew each other and me.


Away…Away….

BATTERY LOW

Away…Away…


The moms are having conversations about the minutiae of how much they are involved in their kids lives. Programs they were sorting out for the summer. Clothing size issues.

The only conversation that wasn’t related to the kids was a discussion about how important their ministry was to them and that they were spending the summer “focused on spreading Christ’s love.”

Another mom had a giant mug that just read “Single Drunk Female”

After the first 30 min, the neighbor was like, “…Well, I could introduce you to the other moms…” And I said, “I feel like this information is on a need-to-know basis, and I do not think I need-to-know.”


We don’t talk about Bruno….

BATTERY LOW

No no no…


In No Exit, Sartre says “Hell is other people.” I think its not just that hell is in fact being around other people, its that other people’s way of living is someone else’s hell.

This was my hell. And it was clear I did not fit in. I mean I was past the point of trying to make the most of it. Every minute I spent surrounded by someone’s poorly charged Alexa, a bubble maker, ducking as kids throwing shit, and ice cream, was a minute I was going to have to drive into the night to get to the destination.

I have been told before that people read my blogs wondering “What common joy does The Right Reverend irrationally hate today.” Maybe this is true.

Here’s the thing, I would have been fine with this on a normal day. Cause I would have sent my kid over there….10 or so moms, I like my chances that my son would have emerged from the party unscathed. And I would have headed back to the hole from which I would have never left.

But oh no. I already had anxiety on how this whole trip would go down, the last fucking thing I needed was to pull the band-aid off as slowly as possible.


To be clear, my son was oblivious to the misery. He was happy to be with his friends, run full laps around the neighbors house, and eat their ice cream.

Also, he was some how the most behaved of the bunch. The other kids were throwing stuff, loudly complaining, being destructive, and mines was just happy to be there.

After a full fucking hour passed, I figured I had paid enough respects and pulled my son away.

My neighbor told me on the way out, “I knew we would get you not to leave on time.” I said, “Mission accomplished” and walked away. My son politely thanked everyone and followed along.


We did make it to our destination that night, after driving through a pile of poorly timed storms.

At the end of the day, it was the right thing to do. I purposely set up the circumstances in my life to allow my son to have the normal childhood that I didn’t have. And that included neighborhood parties.

I just fucking wish I didn’t have to deal with the socializing of it all.

It’s Over. It’s Been Over.

Earlier this week, someone sent me this.

And the nature of it was, “ERMAGHERD CASES AND HOSPITALIZATIONS ARE UP”

To which, I basically gave this response…


Of course things are getting worse. It’s over. No one cares anymore.

Look, conservatives have been fully satisfied throwing people in the meatgrinder for this thing since the beginning. They just so happened to have lucked out recently that the current variant seems to be less deadly.

Your average person I think has been happy to go back to a 2019 sense of normality.

Oh but dear congregation, you know what I know…that shit is still out there….around every corner…..

But, there is no point in caring NOW. Fucking everyone has quit on caring.



What do I mean when I say everyone has quit. Well, its simple. Look around. The world looks fairly fucking normal doesn’t it.

Enough people have gotten pissed over any kind of mandate that the medical community is happy to not talk about it. And mandates were the only way we were going to behave.

Here’s an example. The person who sent me that article at the top was at the fucking bars, hanging with friends and shit, when me and my family were full wonka in this bitch. And now you talking about wearing masks and shit. You could have stayed home to contain the fucker when we had the chance. It’s too fucking late.


I can tell you the moment the MAGA choad crowd finally broke me.

Christmas time. This past year.

After almost two years of dedication, my family finally had enough. A family friend invited us to one of those big outdoor Christmas light exhibits, and everyone who is not me graciously accepted.

Hundreds of people. Got to be close to 2-4 thousand people over the time we were there. People right next to each other, rubbing together.

I probably saw 15 masks (including mine) over the entire time. When we left, I spent the drive home staring into the middle distance.

And it fucked me up. It fucked me up because it meant that at the end of the day, all of the precautions are now just on you. Just about preventing you from getting sick. Avoiding spread, caring for your fellow neighbor, lowering hospital load. All of those reasonings we were given for precautions, they don’t fucking matter if most people wont follow them.

I had started to write this rant back then, but I was too raw. Now I have had some perspective, and its just, everyone moved on. And those of us who were not read, who could still see this disease for what it is, fuck us. We are going with them.

Look, I am not saying that everyone who was there was a MAGA choad, school board screamer. What I am saying is a large enough swath of people from all walks of life in this major metropolitan area were there, and just clearly, did not give a shit about the pandemic.



So, they broke me.

And we should all recognize this, the MAGA Choads won COVID-19. They won. They fucking won. Like any and all remaining conflicts about this disease is over. They dont care if another fucking million people die. Life will barrel on like a run away train, and too bad.

These days, I am wearing masks where required (doctor’s office) and where it makes sense (planes), but I don’t have one everywhere anymore. I accept that either I have had COVID-19 and I got the lucky dice to be asymptomatic, or I WILL get COVID-19 and I have to take my chance.

There is no other choice. Not any more.

We are all going to get the disease. Either you had it and you don’t know it. Or you will. We let the fucking thing run out of control, and now its too late. Its mutated to a form that is almost impossible to run away from.

I don’t know where that leaves us as a society or what happens next. But, I know one thing. When the worse pandemic comes, we are all dead. All of us. Cause people are too stupid to actually have any meaningful sacrifice.

So, my message to my fellow people who care is….give up. We lost the war. Keep up with your vaccines. If you going to a doctor or some shit, mask up, but live your life. Everyone else is, and they are going to drag you to hell with them.

A Perfect Day Long Ago OR What I Did My First Time to NYC (Storytime)

That year… was a bad one.

I had probably worked more hours in that one year than I ever will in another year in my life. There was a week where I got 8 hours of sleep…all week…

I was fried, and burnt out. Youth was the only thing that propelled me forward.

At the end of the job, it must have been obvious to everyone around me that I needed some kind of break. I still had a week to go before I made it to vacation. My boss took pity on me. He pulled me aside right as we were finishing the job, “You know that training you missed during the job. There is a session in New York next week. Its two days, but take the full week.”

I had never been. It was an opportunity to be somewhere else. I took it.


I got in on a red-eye early Sunday morning, and I set to my goal. You see, i knew what I was going to do the second I got the word about New York. Ghostbusters is the first movie I ever remember watching. It was my connection to the outside world while being stuck in a place of starkness and shame.

I always said my first trip to NYC would be mostly Ghostbusters shit, and that held true. I did it all. I landed, got in a cab straight to Columbia university. Went to all the spots from the famous to the obscure. Example:

See this. Venkman and Stanz had a discussion here. That’s how thorough I was going to be.

Through a combination of cabs and subway stops, I went to Lincoln center, the battery, the Smithsonian Museum of the Native American (which is the Manhattan Museum of Art in Ghostbusters 2). Central Park.

The holy grail itself is SHOCKINGLY not hard to find. Franklin St. stop on the 1/2 in Tribeca. Real easy. All you got to do is turn the corner. Its on the same block.

Even Bloomberg couldn’t close it.

Top of the mountain. Still in use to this day, Hook & Ladder #8. Should be a fucking UNESCO World Heritage Site.


I finished my run at Lombardi’s Pizza. Cause 1) its fucking great for even being a tourist trap and 2) a genius once advised me to go there.

Went back to my hotel for a bit, and then ended the day strong.

Original cast. Right after they won all the Tony’s. 2 rows up. Was glorious.

I forgot to pack my suit jacket, so I was in a suit, sans jacket. I asked the concierge at the hotel if it was dressed up enough for Broadway. The concierge told me, “Honey, you will be the best dressed one there.”

He was not fucking lying. The hottest fucking ticket in town, and people were there in sweat pants and shit.

The show was incredible though. I cannot recommend it enough.

Walked home, grabbed a container of chow mein from some joint along the way, and had my dinner in a random park somewhere.


That. That was about as close to a perfect day as days get.

You know, we live a time of much turmoil and strife. Sackcloth and gnashing of teeth. I find its helpful to remember the better times. That there will be days like this ahead. And that’s really all I want. Just a perfect day again.

That would be nice.

© Church of the Holy Flava 2016 - 2021