Why I Hate Journey’s Don’t Stop Believin’

And I hate Journey too

For regular parishoners, they know that I have a ton of hot takes. Some hotter than others. But, of all my hot takes, the one that gets me the most grief is my pure, unbridled hatred of Don’t Stop Believin’. I get the kind of reaction that USED TO BE reserved for flat earthers and such.

“How the fuck can you hate Don’t Stop Believin’?,” they tell me. Look its real simple.

1. The song itself is shit

From the second I hear that opening piano. I don’t know if its the big pop E major chords. Or if its that voice.

In fact, I want to blame Steve Perry for how alot of pop singing is done. His voice is too clean. It sounds manufactured. Now, thats the fucking goal. Every fucking reality show on planet earth is the contest to see who has the most perfect manufactured sound. Whatever happened to having texture and expression to your voice.

I also hate it because it feels like it was designed to be the perfect rock-pop song. The lyrics are stupid, asinine, and lazy (more on this later). Keeping it simple so drunks can scream it in a bar (more on THAT later)

To put it another way, I can’t imagine the scenario where I would be like “you know what would make this moment perfect…Don’t Stop Believin’.

2. The song is fucked out

You know it, I know it.

It is inescapable.

I was just on vacation in a beach town in the middle of nowhere. Walk in the beach town, what do I hear…fuckin Don’t Stop Believin’.

It’s in every fucking movie, commercial, etc.

And STILL people want to hear it. STILL people freak out at a bar, karaoke, sporting event the second it comes on.

You can be like me and try to hide from it. It will find you.

3. It’s a shitty version of any song by Bruce Springsteen or John Cougar Mellencamp

This part is easy to understand. Fucking Bruce and Cougar have a million better songs on the same fucking topic. I think that’s really what annoys me the most about Don’t Stop Believin’. It feels like Americana being forced down your throat in the dumbest way possible.

Don’t Stop Believin’ is the fucking Applebee’s of rock anthems about being young and lost in the world.

I suppose people just want the electric lemonade version of pop music. Its sweet, it hides the alcohol, instead of the smooth scotch flavors of Bruce.

But, I can’t help it. One of my immediate responses when the song comes on is “Put on Bruce. For the love of god put on Bruce.”

Look, this is a war that I have lost already. And lost bad.

Clearly, I am alone with my hate on this one. That’s fine.

But, I will still hate with a fire that burns brighter than a thousand suns

One of my best friends knows of my hatred, and he is slowly trying to wear me down on it. Every time he hears it. Doesn’t matter what time of night. Doesn’t matter where he is. He will call me, and if I can’t answer, he will leave a voice mail.

Just so I know its there.

Oh I know its there boss. I know. And one day it will consume me. As most things do. But for now, I will keep on fighting against the dark. I won’t stop believing that this song is total dogshit, and you are all stupid for liking it.

© Church of the Holy Flava 2016 - 2021