Somehow, this week was significantly harder than last week, while simultanously having fewer…events happen.
I feel the Rona walls closing in. I now feel like I am just dodging bullets left and right.
Maybe I have just been lucky up til now. It’s taking a toll….
I have less control over my mind and will.
For example, I shamed the shit out of a casual acquaintance this week for no reason other than I was drunk and bored. I wont go into detail. Lets use an analogy. You know how they traditionally make foie gras. Where they take a fucking stick and shove food down a goose’s throat till the liver gets nice and fat.
Well, I tried to make some shame foie gras. Instead I got beat with the stick.
And I deserved it.
A wise person told me COVID has made me worse than they thought possible. I have to agree.
The constant paranoia and anger have taken a toll.
The shame target took it in stride, but I feel bad. Shouldn’t have done it. Will take time to repair.
I will leave you with preaching from my twitter hero, dasharezone. This feels right.
And now a positive, but odd story.
So, I take gif requests from anyone and everyone who asks. On friday, I was fuckin drunk. I took a gif request, I made this.
Now I owe my ass to durrty. We got to try to make another viral sensation.
But I feel like I learned something. You don’t want to tread on ground that a million others have treaded on. You want to try to find that sweet spot inbetween. Something that is internet-popular but also slightly more obscure than the typical thing.
I feel like thats what we hit on here. We will see what is the next viral trap I fall into.
I wish I felt more of the Christmas….juju. Man usually this time of year, I am bustling with the Christmas hype.
This year, I just feel hallow. And my house is all Ernest’d up. I got christmas coming out of the fucking wazoo. Just……just dont feel the same level of happiness and comfort.
Maybe it’ll come….And ive been watching all my usual christmas movies.
Somehow this is more telling to me than my recent shame escapade. Something is wrong with the old ticker. Maybe itll clear up. I certainly hope so.
I think thats all I have in me for this week.
I say this often these days, but I am desperate for a better week. I am desperate for a better day.
I can only hope something self corrects.
For now, peace, love, and big flava.