The Bigly Testament: the scripture used by scumbags, assholes, and MAGA

Oh dear congregation these are the dark times. And in this world, its tough for people like me. You know, weirdos. But never fear parishioners, The Right Reverend would never leave you out in the lurch. Through a combination of immersion in the heart of darkness, divining the hidden secrets of the damned, and being lost in the valley of the shadow of death, I have found the new principles guiding these forces of UN-FLAVA in this world. 

Thats right children, I have found The Bigly Testament, a new revelation for all of those people who struggle with reading comprehension and incontinence. 

Lets examine some of these readings shall we:

“Lo faithful, I say unto you, Christ was joking about that whole when you see a stranger taking them in and stuff. That is classic God-Buffoonery. The Lord has told me, be a fucking dick to every single person entering your land. For Lo, the white man worked hard to kill all the not-people that was in the Chosen Land.” 

– Immortan 3:10-12

There is nothing more important for men than the menses of women. For they are unworthy to make these judgements themselves. And your seed is potent and tastes great.”

– 2 Incel 7:15

“Remember that part where Our Lord Jesus Christ said love your neighbor as yourself. Or that stuff about turning the other cheek and giving your stuff away. He is such a kidder. Be a drunk belligerent asshole to everyone you see, and definitely condemn and threaten violence on anyone who would try to get near even your lowest cow. Yep. Thats what a Christian should do. Yay Jesus!” 

– Pence 6:66

God has designated the Immortan to be our representative on earth. Yep. Definitely him. The guy who has always hated anyone who isn’t white. The guy who raw dogged porn stars. The guy who makes his women ready for fuckin at all times. He’s just like Christ in every single way. Facts.”

– Virtue 1:12

“The final teaching shall be the purest and true. If your morality is subject, your reasoning poor, and your arguments unpersuasive, then begin to gather an army. Lo, Christ will bestow on you the blessings of scumbuggery and dickishness.” 

– Assholes 9:45-46

Yep. The Bigly Testament is scary. We may revisit these passages yet again. For the night is dark, and full of stupidity. 

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