Even at a young age, I have never been one to have a lot of friends. Approaching people, talking, sharing has never been my problem. My problem I suppose is more conceited than that. I don’t often see why I should put in the effort.
Like even right now, my wife is on me constantly about getting to know the other parents in the neighborhood. Making friends. I have no interest in such things.
And plus these days its kind of a scary mixed bag. Am I going to get preached at? Do they want me to learn how to fucking golf? Watch sports? Is someone really into some fucking hobby like birdwatching and I’m going to get dragged along for that? All of this sounds terrible. Even if they are people I would get along with otherwise.
The friends I do have, I built up over time. They managed to pierce the veil. Through either time or circumstance or classic getting along, we have built it together from the ground up.
And if you manage to do that, I am fiercely loyal. We can not talk for 10 years and pick up as if no time has passed. If they need something, I hope they know they can turn to me.
For me, friendship stands beyond time and reality.
Which is why current reality is…. depressing…..
Since the pandemic, I have lost two of my friends to the worst two things you can lose people to: religion and politics, respectively.
And I am having a hard time with it. Or have been for the past few years.
It came about in the classic fashion. Each of them had something happen in their life that lead them down a path. A path that basically told them that their circle had to follow every precept that their chosen belief (and I would call them both beliefs) have to offer.
For me, this is the worst. I have had friends I argue with. Friends I don’t agree with. Friends where we only come around like satellites every now and then. But for all those people, we can put all that bullshit aside and come together like Voltron with no problem.
This is like talking to completely different people, if they are even willing to talk to me.
What upsets me the most is that religion and politics are equally meaningless. This life is complex. I would argue its impossible to make it through. For me, my friends are the people I believe in. They are the people that I ride the seas of time with. To beat on that metaphor more, I see us all in the same boat. The same direction, surviving life. Not letting the events of our time get to us.
Like no fucking god or politician should have that great a control on your life. But, I guess I am alone in thinking this.
For one of the two, my dad is insistent…One day I am going to get a phone call. Expressing his regret for throwing his entire life away for a god that he knows isn’t there. That it may be a long time from now, but to be ready for the phone call.
I mean maybe that will happen. And if it does, I will be right there. But for now, its a funeral. I am sad to see them go, but damn I am glad they were part of my life.
All new applicants can file their resume in the fucking garbage.