A Christmas Story Christmas – A Review

That’s right. I watched it so you don’t have to. Here’s a trailer.

Someone sent me that. I thought it looked like shit. But I have a severe love for In God We Trust, All Others Pay Cash, so I figured fuck it. Lets watch the cash in.

I don’t know what you expected but…

not good

For only slightly different reasons than you would expect…

Lets get the good out of the way. Peter Billingsley can still do this part. To be honest, for being the kind of movie where they bring all the previous cast back that either 1) are still alive and 2) are still acting, they all do a shockingly decent job. All the kids and Zach Ward bring their A game such as it is (one or two have fallen off their chops, but not as bas as you would think). This is easily the only redeeming facet of the movie, and not enough to carry it, and I am happy all these kids get a WB check.

Ok, lets get to the shit. This film like…tries… not to be a fucking cash grab. They try to elevate themselves to the original material level, and….like you can see where they are going. They want to make this the Young Adult (ish) version of Ralphie’s future, but it just….doesn’t work.

For one thing, they have to hit ALL the member berries. You know the thing. Fucking movies out here filled with REMEMBER THIS. This movie does a thing I haven’t seen another movie of its type do where it hits like…2 seconds of the audio or music queue. Like there is a scene where Ralphie is in his old attic, looking for christmas decorations. He passes the bunny slippers outfit from the first movie, and the dialogue “He looks like a deranged easter bunny” goes over the track.

And its fucking nausea inducing. Like every time they do it (and they do it often) it takes me out of whatever shit of a story they do.

They are also DESPERATE to be as good as Jean Shepherd was. They are trying to write this film from that perspective, and they flat out don’t get it. The biggest recurring joke in the movie is “Oh, the kids are all bar rats now. Oh no! A call is coming in, hope its not a wife looking for someone….”

Like, they WANT to hit that nerve but just fall flat. There is a Ralphie fantasy sequence within the first FIVE minutes of this movie.

The direction is just ripping off Bob Clark. Same with the set design. The music is now just the original film’s score + pop Christmas tracks. Not in a stand out way. In a very boring way.

Like…there is a universe where this could have been MUCH worse. Instead its like, slightly not as bad as Christmas with the Kranks.

Unlike other nerds on the internet, this existing doesn’t ruin Bob Clark’s original film for me. Hell they already had TWO other sequels of A Christmas Story that you wont remember. Might as well add it to the pile.

1/4 – At least all the kids got paid. That’s the important part. Skip it. It’s shameful.

Thoughts from the AMEN Pew #60

Alcohol intake a go. Lets do the fucking thing.

Got damn, this year needs to end. Big time needs to end. One of my wife’s aunts died. Both my wife and I are dodging bullshit at work. And we still got to gear up for all the holidays.

I had a night this week where I think I slept 2 hours. Staring at the ceiling. Worried about the future. Worried about our house’s finances, worried about tomorrow.

Made it to Friday, and I guess that is as much as anyone can hope for these days.

I said to my wife this week that I don’t remember being this excited for a New Years Eve ever. Just light speed me through the year.

And, all I have is hope. Hope that next year is better. It won’t be. But, I can dream, can’t I?

All kind of shit going on the world. We almost had WWIII. Crypto is finally imploding from the scams. Can’t get beer at the World Cup. And all that is on anyone’s minds is Ol’ Incel Memes fucking shitting the bed at Twitter.

Don’t get me wrong. I am all in on it too. It’s fun to see all of his dreams crash in real-time with everyone watching. The man even went Gul Dukat on his staff yesterday (see below).

However, there is an element of missing the forest for the trees. The far right people are cheering on the “commies” leaving twitter.

I can only hope they see the truth which is, people don’t want to live insane day to day. They want stability. Thats all anyone wants in this world, stability. Elon is going to kill twitter because he thought everyone 1) thought he was awesome, 2) thought he was funny, and 3) agreed with him that the best thing that could happen to twitter is for it to be an open forum for white people to say the n-word.

What happens from here, who knows? Elon going to pay the hard price from here on out.

In the time it has taken me to write this much stuff, my son has a 100.2 fever and feels like crap. Same as it ever was.

Lets wade into another mess shall we? Earlier this week Jon Stewart spoke out about all those fools talking shit, including Dave.

I am not going to pretend to be an expert in these matters. In fact, I am a fool at best.

Here’s my take. I get what Jon is saying. But, there comes a point where even seeing people live cannot drag people up out of the depths of their depravity. I think there are some people who are so fucking lost that I am not intelligent enough to bring them back.

I think Dave is trying (in his way) to bring them back a bit, but I don’t think that will do it.

I have no fix for any of this. As usual, things will get dumber from here.

All that being said, this sketch is dope. Dunno what that says about me.

I was going to write more, but with a sick kid in the house, I am packing it up.

Here is hoping for a better tomorrow. Will we all have one? I can only hope. More preaching when I can manage it.

WEIRD: The Al Yankovic Story – A Review

[Editor’s Note: HEAVY spoilers throughout. If you are interested. See the movie first. It’s a good fucking time. On with the show]

As mentioned before, Weird Al is one of those foundational artists for me. Al is a champion who should be celebrated long after we are all gone.

I believe I have consumed everything he has ever done and continues to do. So, I remember when someone sent me this right after it came out YEARS ago.

This was in the glory days of Funny or Die. And I loved it. Like when other people shared The Landlord. I sent them this.

So, it was just, something I loved. And life moved on.

Never in my wildest fucking dreams did I expect one day to have THIS come across my transom.

WTF? They did it? 10 years later? They actually made a film of the same fake trailer?

Yup. Same director/writer, just had Al join him in the writing process.

I was….concerned. Taking one bit and making it into a feature is a risky prospect to say the least. I wasn’t sure what to expect, but hey, it was the best price of all. Fucking free. So why not?

I shouldn’t have been worried. This is a great fucking time.

Ok, to get it out of the way, the main beats from the original Funny or Die show up here to where in the first like 10 min or so, I was worried they were going to run out of steam.

But no, oh no.

This is easily one of the dumbest movies I have seen in a decade or more. And I say that lovingly. I am not sure people appreciate stupid the way they should. This movie wallows in that world of silly dumb jokes, and it makes the experience a blast.

Oh also, we are STUFFED, OVERSTUFFED with cameos. I think every single part is a friend of Al or someone who really has no business playing a bit part. And everyone is fucking chewing the scenery. Like Al Pacino in the Irishman or Michael Sheen in the Twilight franchise. Like Daniel Radcliff is out here doing Weird Al completely straight, but even he has his scenery chewing moments.

The highlight of the film is the last half. Mainly cause I saw that funny or die trailer? I mean maybe thats to cute, but the last half I loved more than the first half. Or maybe its just that it goes completely off the rails. Takes what we had and doubles down.

There are…flaws. The script in part does have jokes that fall flat. But, we move on so quick that it recovers fast. Or someone’s execution is so outlandish it overcomes it. Sometimes it doesn’t….and rarely. And I mean rarely…it comes off corny.

And this movie is CHEAP. For the most part you don’t notice it, because they do a really good job using existing buildings and sets to add value. But like any of the CG scenes or one or two of the set pieces definitely feel like they filmed it for $3.50.

But neither of those are a detriment to what they are trying to do. Its not a bug, its a feature, as they say.

And the ending is just…excellent. Can’t ask for better.

3/4 – No excuse not to see it. Shit’s free.

It’s exactly what it needed to be. No more. No less. Well done.

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